Skymall Products – Part 1

One of my favorite things about flying is looking through SkyMall magazine. So on the way back from Cancun a couple weeks ago I waited until we reached cruising altitude, reclined my seat, and proceeded to flip through and examine every page. When I came across something that made me laugh I marked down the page number in my trusty notebook. I finally had a chance to go back through the magazine, rip out the flagged products, and scan them in for your viewing pleasure. So in this first installment (of a 2-part series) I am including the ads where the product itself seemed, well, stupid. The next part will focus more on the advertisement and it’s cheesyness.

photo of agressive dog being deterred by dog dazer
Dog Dazer ($59.95)
I think this is a good product to start with because it is probably the most useless of all those that I scanned (and the yellow matches quite nicely with my color scheme). There aren’t too many people at least that I know who are frequently coming in contact with ferocious dogs. Of course the ad mentions that it is “a perfect gift for postal workers,” gotta love that. And let’s say you did see a rabid dog fast approaching, would you trust this device to save you?

photo of various products from skymall
Fire Hydrant Shaker & Drink Dispenser Set ($59.99)
Does anyone else instantly think of a dog peeing on a fire hydrant? I’m sure it helps that I included this directly after the Dog Dazer. The other thing that made me laugh about this one is this statement, “Come the sweltering days of summer, there’s nothing quite as refreshing as standing in front of an unleashed fire hydrant.”

6 Card ACM Wallet ($39.99)
I’ve looked at this gem of a product many times before. At first I thought the clunky buttons labeled with Discover, MasterCard, American Express, Visa, ATM, and Car logos were permanent, but as it turns out they are interchangeable. Still, I’d only buy one if it came in hot pink…oh wait it does!

EarPops ($7.99/pair)
“…it’s more comfortable than standard ear muffs, since there’s no annoying headband, and no need for a hat that messes your hair!” That pretty much says it all, except for they left out one word: leopard.

photo of giggle bug child tracker
Giggle Bug Toddler Tracker ($19.99)
“A Wonderful alternative to harnesses.” Wait, why would someone want to do something other than tie there kid to a leash? The great thing about this is that the giggle bug emits a loud beep, apparently loud enough for you to hear it from 150 feet away. I’m sure it’s great fun for your kid’s eardrums.


  1. I looked at those ear muffs when i was coming back from vegas and acutally considered buying a pair, I still might do it. haven’t decided yet.

    - Andrew (Nov 13, 2006)

  2. I get the feeling that a lot of people consider buying them, but few people actually do.

    My question is, when is it cold enough that you need to cover your ears, but not the rest of your head?

    - Rett (Nov 14, 2006)

  3. That guy has some good looking hair. Some Gorge Clooney Hair. That’s the kind of dew that you don’t want getting all mussed up from a silly stocking cap.
    The leopard print would really compliment his highlights.

    - Allan (Nov 14, 2006)

  4. The ear muff things are quite funny, but I wanted to comment on the ‘Giggle Bug Toddler Tracker’ device. I’ve got two questions: Why would you want to hear more noise from your toddler when they’re away from you, when you have to hear them scream and yell close to you? Hey, let’s combine two products and make the ear muffs sound proof! Also, instead of having an attachment to kids clothing, is there a way to just connect the handheld unit up to a child’s implanted microchip?

    - Russ (Nov 17, 2006)

  5. oh russ. what are we gonna do with you?

    - Andrew (Nov 20, 2006)

  6. I we could just cut off kids legs. I know: “Easy to track, easy to hack.” The Hacker: Keep Your Kids Close.

    - Rich (Dec 13, 2006)

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